Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
For some parents, this verse is a great comfort, for others, it feels like a painful condemnation. Does this verse promise that good parenting will lead to a life of faithfulness for children? Does this verse mean that parents are always to blame for wayward children? What exactly does this popular verse mean?
A Verse with a Context
Just like any other piece of writing, Bible verses have context. Part of the context of a Bible passage is its genre, the form or style of writing. To understand the meaning of this passage, we must first ask — what is a proverb?
The form of literature known as proverbs is not only found in the Bible. Proverbs can be found in both ancient and more recent writing. For example, “the early bird gets the worm” first appeared in a book of proverbs written in 1605. For generations, people have observed general principles about the way the world normally works. These observations are what we call proverbs.
Is it generally or typically true that the early bird gets the worm, or hard work pays off, or slow and steady wins the race? Yes. But is it always the case in every instance? No. Sometimes starting early doesn’t give you an advantage, some times working hard doesn’t pay off like it should, and sometimes slow and steady loses to fast and wreckless. Does this mean that proverbs are lies? No. They are what they intend to be, general principles about the way the world normally works.
The Prosperity Gospel of Parenting
If the prosperity gospel teaches the false promise that if you have enough faith, then God will give you a life of health, wealth, and prosperity, then the prosperity gospel of parenting teaches the false promise that if you follow a certain formula for parenting, then God will give your children the life you want for them.
This mistaking of a proverb for a promise has led to much pride (for parents who believe their good work has led to kids who walk faithfully with the Lord) or much guilt (for parents who believe their failures have led to kids who are far from the Lord). However, a proper understanding of proverbs should lead us to be much more careful in our conclusions.
Sometimes the children of faithful parents go wayward. In fact, the only perfect Father (God) had a son who went astray. “When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. The more they were called, the more they went away; they kept sacrificing to the Baals and burning offerings to idols” (Hosea 11:1-2).
At the same time, this proverb exists for a reason. It is generally true that faithful parenting leads to the best outcomes and that the action or inaction of parents can have disastrous results. One clear example is Eli the priest who failed to discipline his sons, and as a result, his sons became so ungodly that God killed them for their disobedience (1 Samuel 2-4).
Your Life Today
So what does this verse mean for parents?
First, this proverb encourages parents to take their role seriously. Being a mom or dad is a high calling. Of all people on earth, we have the greatest influence on our children. And the most important thing we can do for our children is teach them to walk with the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:1-9). While we can gain great help from others such as a church or school, the primary responsibility for teaching our children belongs to us.
Second, the nature of this verse as a proverb should encourage us to trust God. None of us are perfect parents, and even when we do our best, things don’t always turn out as we would like. God is sovereign and he loves his children. When our children wander, we can cry out to Him and trust that the results are firmly in His hands.
