In Matthew 6:14–15 (ESV) Jesus says, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
The Bible and Christ are crystal clear: Christians are called to forgive and to be forgiving (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13). Jesus taught that if we want God to forgive us of all our sins against him, we are to forgive others of their sins against us (Matthew 6:12, 14–15; Mark 11:25), a principle he further illustrated in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21–35).
While forgiveness means no longer harboring bitterness or resentment, the question I get is this: After forgiving someone for the wrong they’ve done, are we just supposed to go on as if nothing happened?
I would say no, not necessarily. So, let’s talk about a few things that forgiveness does not necessarily mean…
Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean…the restoration of relationship.
To forgive someone doesn’t mean you turn around and become best buddies.
We can forgive people without returning to the same relationship. This is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Reconciliation is important to human relationships, and forgiveness is the first step in this. But forgiveness means releasing the bitterness, no longer holding it against them, no longer expecting anything of them.
When God calls us to forgive, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship must be restored.
Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean …the reestablishment of trust.
If you’ve been wronged by someone, especially multiple times, then you’ve learned some lessons from them, and so, to forgive and to wipe the slate clean doesn’t automatically mean they magically become a trustworthy person just because you’ve granted them forgiveness.
If you break into my house and steal from me, I may be called to forgive you, but I’m not called to give you a copy of my house key. Trust is to be earned; forgiveness is to be given.
And thirdly….
Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean …the relinquishment of justice.
Just because a person is forgiven doesn’t mean they shouldn’t face justice. I’ve sat with people in court and watched them offer forgiveness to a person who has wronged them, but then they still rightly consent to the offender being subject to penalties such as jail time or community service.
To forgive doesn’t mean that their violation of humanity or breaking of laws goes without punishment.
Here’s what forgiveness does mean:
- Forgiveness means I no longer hold against you what you’ve done to me. (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13)
- Forgiveness means I will no longer harbor hatred toward you in my heart. (Leviticus 19:17–18; Matthew 5:44; 1 John 2:9–11; 1 John 4:20–21)
- Forgiveness means you no longer get to live rent-free in my head and heart. (Romans 12:18–21, Philippians 4:6–8; Hebrews 12:14–15)
- Forgiveness means I know I have been forgiven of a greater debt. (Matthew 18:21–35; Luke 7:41–47; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13)
- Forgiveness means I will no longer allow the hurt you’ve caused me to continue to hurt me. (Genesis 50:20; Romans 12:17–21; Ephesians 4:31–32; Hebrews 12:15)
- Forgiveness means God’s love for me outweighs your evil against me. (Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:35–39; Romans 12:19–21; 1 John 4:19)
- Forgiveness means I will no longer bring up the wrongs you’ve done. (Proverbs 17:9; 1 Corinthians 13:5; Ephesians 4:32)
- The lesson is simple: we forgive because God has forgiven us. And in God’s forgiveness, He remembers our sins no more
Psalm 103:12, “…as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”
Here is another reason why forgiveness is so important: heaven is the presence of God; heaven is the place of forgiveness; heaven is the place where God has forgiven us, and we’ve forgiven each other.
So, when we forgive, not only are we reminding ourselves of God’s forgiving of our sins, but in some way, we are also preparing our hearts and souls for heaven. To extend forgiveness is to give people a picture of the Gospel.
Yes, we still live on the broken side of eternity, and so forgiveness doesn’t mean things will automatically be perfect or go back to how they were. But when we forgive, we do our part to testify to the grace that’s been given to us, show the world the power of the gospel, advance God’s kingdom in this sinful world, and prepare our hearts for heaven.
So may you find God’s forgiveness in Christ Jesus, and may that inspire you to extend forgiveness to others.
